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A Message from Jason Curtis
When thinking about how best to teach our children about safety using technology, I find that most parents typically feel scared, intimidated or ill-equipped. I've often heard things like, “My kids know more about technology than I do!” or “I have no idea what they're doing - I'm not technical.” The reality is kids aren't any more knowledgeable about technology than the average adult. They are just much more fluent at using it because they are much more highly motivated to use it than the average adult. Read more
Why are they so motivated? Kids of today are growing up in a very different world than you and I grew up in. Technology is pervasive, it is everywhere, and it is part of everything that they do. Adults typically use technology in an effort to gain information or learn. Children use technology to know others and grow together. Technology provides easy access to socialize with friends and build relationships. Our children are making the transition from child to adult as they pass through the teenage years, complete with the same pressures and struggles that we experienced at their age.
We know technology can be dangerous, and we also know it is very alluring to teens, so what is a parent to do? Upper School should be a time of transition for your child and technology. We should slowly begin releasing some of the restrictions and controls (blocking, monitoring) that were put in place when they were young. The emphasis in the later teen years should be on using technology safely and responsibly, not on prohibiting use.
What does this look like?
- Regular conversations with your teen regarding their technology use. This can certainly happen “in the moment” vs. a planned, forced conversation. For example, “What app are you using?”, “Can you show me how to use that app?”, “Who are you talking/texting/snapchatting/instagramming with?” These conversations should taper off as the children get closer to leaving the nest.
- Connect with your children where they are. That means have an Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter – whatever. Where your kids are, be there as well. Normalize the notion that these places are not private, anonymous spaces, but rather places where parents might pop up.
- Discuss safety and responsibility often. Yes, they are older teens, however, they are still growing and developing. They still need to be reminded that not everyone online has their best interests at heart and that they should take steps to stay safe. A good way to do this is to discuss problematic situations, for example:
- What would you do if you were followed by a friend of a friend who is extremely attractive, but pressured you for information or images you aren’t comfortable sharing?
- How would you react if someone started sending you inappropriate images through social media?
- Where would you turn if you found out that an online friend was engaging in illegal activity?
So, what if you didn’t put restrictions in place early on and never really addressed any of this? It’s ok! There’s no time like the present to begin. Obviously, you won’t try and lock down a senior who’s never had any online restrictions before, but you can start talking with your children any time. Take advantage of the time they are still under your roof to explain that you love them, want the best for them, and want to discuss online safety and responsibility. Most importantly, they need to understand that you are ready and willing to help with anything that they might encounter online. Let them know that you are on their side.
All of this advice points back to taking time to reinforce and strengthen your relationship with your kids. The solution to keeping your children safe really begins with a healthy, trusting relationship in which they feel comfortable discussing hard topics with you.
Below is a great set of guides to further educate you and help start conversations with your teen about safety online.
Jason Curtis
Director of Technology and Information Resources
The Hockaday School
Within the private school community, The Hockaday School is an independent college-preparatory day school for girls from grades PK–12 located in Dallas, Texas. Students realize their limitless potential through challenging academic curricula, arts, athletics, and extracurricular programs so that they are inspired to lead lives of purpose and impact.
The Hockaday School does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, ethnicity, creed, religion, sexual orientation, disability, or any other status protected by applicable law in the administration of its educational, admissions, financial aid, athletic, and other policies and programs.
The Hockaday School does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, ethnicity, creed, religion, sexual orientation, disability, or any other status protected by applicable law in the administration of its educational, admissions, financial aid, athletic, and other policies and programs.