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Gordon’s Gems and Guidance
Partnering with Teachers: A Guide for Parents
When I first came to Hockaday, one of the things that immediately struck me was the strength of the partnership between teachers and parents. I’ve worked in many schools over the years, and this was, without a doubt, one of the most genuine I’ve seen. Even in the best relationships, though, there are moments when we don’t see things exactly the same way. I know this as both a counselor and a parent.There were times during my daughter’s school years when I needed to reach out to her teacher about something that concerned me. Those conversations weren’t always easy. But I knew what mattered most (especially in difficult moments), was protecting my relationship with her teacher. Her teachers spent so much time with her every day, so when she walked into the classroom, I didn’t want her teachers thinking, “Oh… here comes the child with the difficult parent.”
Children notice when parents are upset or frustrated with their school or their teacher, even if nothing is said outright. That tension can make them feel conflicted . . . wanting to love their teacher and school but also wanting to align with their parents’ feelings. When adults handle concerns with care and respect, kids sense it, and it helps them feel safe, confident, and free to enjoy learning. With that in mind, here are some friendly do’s and don’ts for supporting strong parent–teacher partnerships:
DO’s
- Share relevant information that may affect your child’s learning or behavior, like sleep, health, or home changes. This helps teachers support your child more effectively.
- Listen openly when a teacher shares concerns about academics, behavior, or social interactions. It can be natural to feel defensive, but do be open to feedback, even if it’s difficult to hear. These observations allow your child to get the support she needs.
- Ask questions if you need clarity. For example: “What are you seeing?” or “How can we help at home?” Teachers appreciate thoughtful, collaborative questions.
- Pause before responding to difficult messages. Waiting 24 hours can help you communicate more clearly and calmly. Request a phone call or meeting for complex concerns rather than relying on email alone. Some conversations are easier to have in real time.
- Start with the teacher first. When questions or concerns arise about the classroom, your child, or peers, begin by speaking privately with the teacher (unless it’s a serious safety concern). Working together first often leads to solutions, and if the issue isn’t resolved, administration can step in to help.
- Support the teacher at home. If your child receives a consequence at school, reinforce what needs to be changed. This shows your child that home and school are on the same team and helps her understand expectations clearly.
DON’Ts
- Don’t assume your child’s version is the full story. Children often share only their perspective, which can be incomplete, emotionally based or sometimes just not the truth (if they are worried about getting in trouble).
- Don’t start communications with accusations or demands. This can make collaboration harder and slow problem solving. Try, “I need your help with clarification on something that I’ve heard.”
- DON’T say, “ I was just like that at her age, and I turned out o.k.” Yes, she will be o.k. just like you, but think . . . could your school life have been a bit easier?
- Don’t tell teachers who your child can or cannot sit with or work with. Teachers carefully plan these arrangements to support learning and social development.
- Don’t discuss frustrations in front of your child or publicly with others (text or talk). Even subtle tension can make children feel conflicted about loving school and their teachers.
We are all on the same team, and we all want the very best for our wonderful girls. Thank you for supporting these important partnerships every day.
The Hockaday School
Within the private school community, The Hockaday School is an independent college-preparatory day school for girls from grades PK–12 located in Dallas, Texas. Students realize their limitless potential through challenging academic curricula, arts, athletics, and extracurricular programs so that they are inspired to lead lives of purpose and impact.
The Hockaday School does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, ethnicity, creed, religion, sexual orientation, disability, or any other status protected by applicable law in the administration of its educational, admissions, financial aid, athletic, and other policies and programs.
The Hockaday School does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, ethnicity, creed, religion, sexual orientation, disability, or any other status protected by applicable law in the administration of its educational, admissions, financial aid, athletic, and other policies and programs.